Dhanashree has nearly two decades of diverse professional experience in Automotive, Media, Retail, BFSI, and consulting. She oversees cultural alignment and people strategy, aligning them to drive business outcomes and elevate organizational performance.
As women, most of us have a social conditioning about the need to “Balance” which almost becomes a consideration factor for most life decisions we make and almost a push for always having to choose between work and personal life. A recent conversation with one of my female colleagues about her anxiety as a new mom, the constant need to be ahead at work, and a void of “not doing enough” and the question “Are we good enough?" similar to other women coached, triggered reflection on my own life experiences. Over the years, a few ideologies developed that worked for me, and with the notion that “wisdom is retrospective," I hope they resonate with you.
Balance is what you make of it- and the question is to start getting clarity about what you want; the rest will fall into place. This has been a tough realization. As a single parent, there is this constant struggle between home, child, and work. I resumed work when my son was 3 months old, but I knew I loved working, so a lot of it was a choice and then the inner struggle of “making up for it." Today I am happy, as my son sees me as a successful professional and is proud of it. If you like being a parent or being single or adopted, be the best at it. If you like working, be the best at it, and you will be a great parent too. There is no such thing as a perfect balance. Whatever profession you choose, if you get to be very good at it, there will be demands made that finally take away from other priorities. And you know that's fine because that is your balance, your life. Today you are a great parent or daughter or in any other role, and for the next part, you are a great professional. Think of balance more in terms of thought and intent rather than just time or hours in the day. If you are off on holiday or your weekend, stay away from anything else except family and your own time, and vice versa.
Do not be sorry or apologetic about choosing your happiness lot of us as women are taught to give up our happiness for the greater good—family, kids, etc. This choice comes in daily instances—a critical meeting, a child’s event at school, or dinner at home. Sometimes it can be larger, like choosing a high-flying, demanding career and wanting to be a full-time mother. In these cases, whatever you choose, don’t be sorry about it. The truth was accepting your own needs and owning them up without being guilty. Like they say in aircraft safety instructions, you need to wear your oxygen mask first before others. If you aren’t happy, you can’t be your fullest self for anyone else.
The balance is disturbed if you need perfection at everything- Accept the fact that you cannot be perfect at everything! That’s the biggest learning experience I have had. Using Bollywood parlance, in the movie Ye Jawaani hai Deewani, Deepika says, Jahan ho wahin ka maja lelo—stay with the moment, savor it, and enjoy it. The mental imagery we paint for women as “Super Women” is not only unrealistic but also doesn’t help the next generation of kids we are raising. Each gender has its strengths; it is futile to showcase any in the “Superhuman” capacity as it has a long-standing impact on the basic social fabric as well. The change can start with each one of us.
Don’t be afraid, ashamed, or reluctant to seek support- If one has to balance, you need help. The benefit of living in India is that there is a good social system of parents, in-laws, and housekeepers available, and please count on them generously. If you are “investing” in one more additional housekeeper so that you have a break, it is worth it. Spend less on that outside dinner, but consider this an investment for your mental peace. Do not also be reluctant to delegate or hold your partner or family members accountable for their share of responsibilities at home, which include cooking, cleaning, or running errands. Just because they do it doesn’t mean that you are less of a mother, wife, or daughter.
While this article has a lot of references to balance from the lens of a parent, the learnings are agnostic to whatever life you choose—that’s your balance! I also acknowledge the practical social fabric that it may be difficult for us to achieve the balance always, but as well-articulated in this quote by Michelle Obama, “We need to do a better job at “putting ourselves” higher on our own “to do” list.
